I didn’t see April landing us here. I don’t think you saw April coming, either. No one wanted a fight, or shit to fall out, or shit to get as bad as it did.
2 options here:
1-> I post this and it is unread. Only me, screaming into a void. Being read later, this only seen as a footprint of days past, if(when?) I’m doing me and you guys are you doing you. 2-> I post this and who I want to read it, reads it. That’s that. You either respond or this dies quietly.
I’m basing this off some pretty HUGE assumptions, and I guess a SoundCloud repost, or cold messages aren’t the end of the world but…
I don’t know what’s happening, fully. I can’t read your mind, and I guess friends(??? acquaintances at most haha, let’s be real) don’t need to.
But what I do know is how I feel. About what you’re doing, what you’re saying and how it’s making me feel.
You’re conflicting, confusing. Birthed from a place of passivity, neutrality.
I’m one to forgive, too. But there HAS to be a limit. There HAS to be.
The absolute whiplash seeing you support the person that fucked you over. That bullied you to your face. That has, from the sound of it, has shown you and your friends insane disrespect… who’s art you don’t even like that much? To give it support? Love?
The hurt kind of trickles down to us. To ones that have had your back throughout it all? It gives me a gut feeling of, dread? When are you going to turn on me?
But hey, like I said, I guess I can’t say we were close. I think you guys, looking at me, talking about me (I’ve heard it second-hand) have praised someone you didn’t really get to know fully. Sad, but I don’t really put myself out there so I guess that's my fault.
I guess I’m representative of a time you can’t go back to. A figure of something you can’t be seen with because you have to move on from it.
That’s okay. I just, can’t get you. And it is a punch to the gut being pushed to the side.
Goodbye? Or something. I can’t tell. I really can’t. None of this makes sense. But it feels fucking bad.
A bullet wound, more like, being thrown to the wolves. Abandoned in a forest. Man.